


Stars Within

by ChronicallyOwlish



Category: Star Trek: Discovery
Genre: Character Study, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Female Friendship, Friendship, Gen, Implied/Referenced Character Death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-17
Updated: 2018-02-17
Packaged: 2019-03-20 05:57:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,054
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13711314
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChronicallyOwlish/pseuds/ChronicallyOwlish
Summary: In the last few days, Sylvia has known fear and sorrow. She's seen the dark places between the stars and is no longer sure what to think. Missing scene from "Will You Take My Hand", but only vague spoilers.





	Stars Within

**Author's Note:**

> Just a small warning: This takes place before the final scenes of 1x15 "Will You Take My Hand" but has been written so spoilers are vague, but if you haven't seen the second half of the season (past episode eleven) they are there nonetheless and you might want to wait.
> 
> Enjoy!

When she was little, she'd dreamed of the stars. In the moments when everything seemed to be going wrong and even her parents and grandparents couldn’t bring her comfort, she'd turned to them, those stalwart spots of light that had guided lost souls on Earth since the beginning of time. Human time, at least. Stars were fusion, gravity, and fire, a force for light in the universe and she’d longed to be up there with them.

If only little Tilly could have known all the wonderful things she would see, and all of the terrible things that would go with them.

The stars are blurring past her now in bright strings as far as the eye can see. Here, in front of the full-length viewport, it's almost as if she is flying through them alone, moving at three times the speed of light, on her way home to plant her feet on the soil she’d grown up on. Technically not her soil. She’s from the United States and has only ever been to France once when she was ten, but it was Earth, nonetheless. Funny how as a child she’d sought the stars for a sense of stability, and out here she sought the Earth.

That made sense too. The stars were tainted now, wrong in so many ways. She could never have imagined the darkness hidden between those points of light—that out here in the place she’d dreamed about since she was a child she’d find war and death.

So much death.

Some of it is immediate and gut-wrenching. A man alive and smiling one minute and gone the next, the ghost of his memory haunting the eyes of those who loved him. The pain of it stole her breath away in the silent thinking moments of the day. The rest is distant. Faces she’d never seen, places she’d never been, but gone all the same. Dots on the star chart that no longer exist. Numbers beyond comprehension. Hundreds of thousands of people who’d never smile again.

Tears well up, tickling her cheeks as gravity pulls them down, collecting on her chin before dripping to the deck below. They fall unimpeded, one after another to join the hundreds already shed.

“You’ve been quiet today.” Michael’s words break through her thoughts as she settles in beside her, face forward, watching the stars streak by. She stands tall, hands behind her back, in control as usual. Sometimes Sylvia envies that control, and other times she wishes Michael would learn to let go. She isn’t sure which she wishes for right now: a partner in her sorrow or a stabilizing force?

“I guess I have a lot on my mind.”

“Want to talk about it?” Michael’s voice is smooth and calm, yet she can hear a slight hitch in it. She glances at her friend’s face. Her dark eyes are heavy, the whites streaked with red. Tears have been shed from them as well.

“Starfleet is military. My dad tried to warn me. He said there was a reason starships carried such vast arsenals, that they were the Federation’s first and last defense against outside threats, and I didn’t listen to him. I guess I thought I knew better. I remember telling him that Starfleet was a force for peace and exploration, I never guessed… I mean I never thought…”

It is more difficult than usual to wrangle her thoughts. To push them through her filter and form sentences that others can understand. They are all jumbled up in her brain, tangled like her grandmother’s yarn after the cat has gotten to it. When she tugs at one end, it only tightens the knot at the other. She’s told Michael of this conflict before, though, and she can see she’s understood.

“My mother thought it was important for me to read human literature. My science training was supplemented with a healthy diet of stories and poetry so that as I learned to control my emotions like a Vulcan I might also understand the human spirit within me.” Michael turns to her now, and she meets her gaze. Michael’s eyes are shining with emotion. “There is a Victor Hugo quote that I have carried with me many years: ‘What makes night within us may leave stars.’”

A moment passes, then another, and the view outside remains unchanged.  Sylvia looks out there again, searching for something she can’t define. “It’s hard to believe that anything good can come out of all this.”

“We found ourselves. We refused to back down from our ideals and we remained strong. We’ve proven that what the Federation stands for cannot be broken; that has to count for something. You may not be able to see them now, but I believe there are stars within you and one day they will have a chance to shine.”

The words sink in and Sylvia is surprised when she smiles. In the last few days, she’s known fear like nothing she’s ever known before. She’s lost a friend and almost lost another. She’s looked in a mirror and seen a different person staring back at her, someone capable of horrible, unimaginable things, and she’s wondered if that person was trapped inside, waiting for a chance to escape. Smiles have not come easily.

And yet, here she stands, alive. The Federation has survived as well. There is a certain amount of hope in living, in the ability to draw a breath. That is reason enough to smile.

“You’re probably right. I mean, we’re all made of stardust, right? Who’s to say what it takes to make it ignite.”

A hint of a smile plays on Michael’s lips. “There is darkness out there and there is darkness within every one of us, but the Federation is made up of people. We define who we are. If we can find the stars within us and shine, then the darkness cannot take hold. It cannot grow.”

“So we light up the night, like torchbearers leading the way?”

Michael’s smile grows, becomes a true smile. “Exactly like that.”

They both turn to the view outside once more. It's brighter now, or so Sylvia thinks. Her heart swells with something dangerously close to hope. Perhaps it's just one of those stars within. Perhaps she is ready to shine through the darkness.


End file.
